Follow The White T-Shirt
by Eilike
Summary: What will happen if Sanji and Nami are given some private moments, without the rest of the Straw Hats crowding in on them? Robin is determined to find out, and Sanji and Nami are in for a very peculiar walk home... Rated T for language and (sorry, Sanji) sake abuse.
1. Do You Own a White T-shirt?

This is my first fanfic in One Piece fandom. It's set shortly after the Dead End Adventure. I'm not entirely sure about characters ages, especially whether Sanji and/or Zoro had or had not turned 20 already at this particular point of the story line. If I`m incorrect in this, feel free to x out "Dead End Race" and just fill in any earlier competition the crew won without having had the opportunity to collect their prize. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own "One Piece" or any of the Straw Hat Pirate characters. I am not making money with this.

* * *

+++Chapter 1: Do You Own a White T-shirt?+++

'Teenagers,' sighed Nico Robin, folding her hands on the backrest of her chair and resting her head on them.

Zoro frowned, 'What do you mean?'

He followed the archeologist's gaze across the crowded tavern, the sailors, pirates, town-folk, the wooden tables loaded with tankards and food. Men playing dice or cards, talking, eating, brawling, to the sound of a musician walking between them and playing the violin... It was typical tavern in a typical backwater town, the first and only one the Straw Hats had hit on after the desastrous finish of the Dead End Race and subsequent flight from the marine. They had not even been able to collect the prize money.

The crew was spread about the room, and everyone was doing what they did best in order to overcome the vexing loss: Luffy was already bloated with food. Usopp had gathered a small audience for his tales. Chopper, who sat with them, looked about him with the nervous attitude of a shy animal of the woods. Zoro and Robin had chosen to sit at a separate table, having found a common interest in certain details of East Blue renaissance sword-production ('blooming old blades' in Zoro's usage, 'relicts of the late Hetith-dynasty Fleur-de-lys' in Robin's terminology).

Nami sat at the bar, talking animatedly to a tall sailor with tatoo-covered arms and a black pony tail, and in some distance -

'Oh,' said Zoro. 'You're talking about the stupid cook.'

'I expected him to hyperventilate and nosebleed,' said Robin. 'There's a whole band of girls over there, having a celebration of some kind. But all he does is keep an eye on Nami while looking daggers at the stranger she's talking to.'

'So I said: Idiot.'

'Zoro.' Robin looked him up and down, amused. 'How come you guys have been traveling together for so long and know so little of each other?'

'Know?' mumbled Zoro, unconsciously clutching his swords. 'I know lots about the others. Luffy's one of the most effective fighters I ever met, and Chopper's skills as a doctor are unprecedented. And in the same way that they're unique, the cook is an exceptional dumbass.'

'He's just young,' argued Robin. 'Technically, he's still in his teens. And emotionally?' She shrugged, 'Well, I suppose he's simply not figured it out for himself yet.'

'Figured out what?' Zoro wondered if he should tell her that the cook and he were actually contemporaries. _Talk about knowing the guys you're traveling with..._ But then she might decide to find him technically young and emotionally half-baked, too. And since those attributes did not apply to him – which he happened to know for sure, as sure as he carried three swords at his side – he decided that there was no need to dwell on this detail.

Robin's enigmatic eyes scrutinized him as if she sensed his secret thoughts. 'What, do you think, would happen, if Sanji was given a chance to spend some time alone with Nami?'

'As a matter of fact, he has spent plenty of time with her. On the ship - '

'I'm not talking about night shifts on board or being held hostage by some weird would-be king, holding out for Luffy to show up and pull the "bail-out" card,' Robin insisted. 'I'm talking about a real chance for romance. Only the two of them. Guards down. Masks off. What would happen?'

Zoro stroked his chin, thinking, 'Er – probably – "this" and "that"?'

'Or other,' suggested Robin.

Zoro snorted derisively, 'When it comes to "this" and "that", any concept of "other" ceases to exist in that pervert's twisted imagination.'

'Don't think so,' said Robin plainly. 'Five-thousand berys I can prove you wrong.'

'Huh?'

'I'll give you five-thousand berys, if we can catch Sanji and Nami kissing tonight. And I mean "love-kissing". If they don't, it's five-thousand berys for me.'

Zoro's eyes narrowed, 'That's a lot of money.'

'Ah. So you _do_ think you might loose.'

'Nami won't kiss the stupid cook,' Zoro pointed out. 'After all, she's got taste. But he'll not miss the opportunity. Alright. I'm on. Five-thousand berys.'

'One condition: Whatever the outcome, Nami must never learn we put money on this.' Robin looked over at the red-haired navigator. 'It's not exactly what friends do, manipulate each other. This is a matter of trust.'

'And pride. I'm no blabbermouth,' said Zoro with a warrior's dignity.

'Agreed then.' Robin's smile became purposeful. 'The night's not getting any younger. Let's start by getting off some masks and shaking some guards.'

For a moment, Zoro expected her to cross her hands and call upon the devil's fruit's powers. But she only called out to the little reindeer sitting with Usopp and Luffy at the other table. 'Chopper? Could you come over here for a minute, please?'

The blue-nosed reindeer's superior hearing perceived her call even over the noise of the tavern. He got up and padded over. 'What is it, Robin?'

'I have a favor to ask. See these girls over there? Would you go to them for me and tell them –' Robin stooped down and whispered into Chopper's ear. When she finished, the little reindeer looked first at the table of partying girls, then over to the sulking cook. 'I can do that. But why?'

'Because you're so cute there's no way they can deny you anything.' Robin gave him a friendly shove. 'Now go.'

* * *

A shadow fell on Sanji, and someone set their glass on the table in front of him.

'Hi,' the someone said.

'Who -_oopiee._' Sanji's gaze took in the manicured fingernails, the slender hands, wandering up, steadily up and – _Angels existed._ He was a believer now. Evidence had just touched down next to him, smiling at him and presenting her divine cleavage.

'I'm Mel,' the blonde said. 'I'm a birthday girl.'

'I'm a lucky devil,' he managed to get out.

Mel "The Gorgeous" was in the company of a dark haired girl in a sexy leather outfit. That other girl said, 'He says you're a cook,' casually pointing the thumb of the hand that was not holding her drink. Her bracelets jingled. Sanji saw that Chopper was talking to Mel's friends, a party of six. They looked over, whispered, giggled, took their glasses, started to move.

'Well, actually I'm a pirate,' he said, feeling lightheaded from an acute lack of oxygen. What was it again about – oh, yeah. _Breathe._ 'One of the Straw Hats.'

'Monkey D. Luffy's gang?' The girls exchanged awed glances. 'Thass cool.'

Their friends arrived and quickly spread around the table, making it impossible for Sanji to focus on the little voice in his mind that asked suspiciously what Chopper was possibly up to.

'Hey, girls. He's one of Monkey D. Luffy's crew.' Mel raised her glass, 'Here's to straw hats!' The other girls chimed in, looking at Sanji with curious eyes. Sanji drank to them quickly, before the brewing nosebleed could embarrass him.

'The reindeer says you've had quite a hard time, lately,' Mel continued. 'He said he's a doctor, and we should come over here and keep you company, if we and you didn't mind.'

'That's what he says, eh?' Sanji's gaze fixated her two best arguments for making a man want to embrace the chance of welcoming her at his table.

'Well, we don't mind. Do you?'

'Huh?'

'Mind. Do you mind?'

'No. No, I haven't got a – mind to - ' _Embrace her arguments,_ the little voice in Sanji's head commanded, dropping the subject of questioning Chopper's intentions. _Do it! Now!_

'But you've got a name, haven't you?'

'Sa- Sanji.'

'Hi, Sanji. As I said, I'm Mel. The lace-and-leather cat here is Leila. Meet Sandy, Vio, and the ginger over there is – '

* * *

'What are you doing?' asked Zoro irritably. 'Our bet is about the love cook and Nami. Not about him flirting with a bunch of town girls.'

'Not to worry.' Robin looked over at the party, where the leading girl, a well-endowed blonde, was introducing her friends to Sanji. The girls raised their glasses as they were presented to him, from the left to the right, and he returned the salute to each of them.

'Damned fool!' Zoro was not amused. 'Now what? At that rate he's going to be out of it before Nami even entered the scene.'

'Nonsense. He can take much more than that.' Robin beckoned to Usopp. 'Usopp? Oi, Captain Usopp. Can I have a word with you?'

* * *

On answering to her beckoning, Usopp received a slightly modified version of the story: He was told that Sanji intended to take another shot at getting on closer terms with Nami and was working up the courage to do so. And Robin was worried, because things seemed to get a little out of hand. Of course, she could not get involved, and Zoro, well, the impracticability was self-evident. So would Usopp please go over and check on his nakama?

Usopp saw the logic in her reasoning, checked – and was worried by the level of deterioration he already noticed about the blonde cook.

'Oi, Sanji. How many fingers am I holding up?'

'Get lost. Six.'

Surprised, Usopp looked at his hand, 'But I raised only one hand?'

'I don't give a shit how many frigging hands you have. Bugger off, Usopp. I'm busy.'

Usopp patted Sanji on the back and said in a conspiratorial tone, 'At some point it's absolutely socially acceptable to fall off one's chair, you know?'

It was a pirate's way of saying, 'Don't you think you've had enough, pal?'

Sanji, well in his cups, gave him a piece of his mind on shitty social conventions that had so far kept this gentleman from squashing a certain green-haired microbe in front of two ladies and hindered him from kicking that pony-tailed ass over there into orbit now.

Usopp clutched Sanji's shoulder and said urgently, 'Sometimes, it may even be the smarter idea to just slide under the table and be over it.' That wasn't pirate slang, but Usopp's personal opinion. 'To hell with pony-tailed jerks, Sanji. Give it a break.'

Sanji raised his glass and drank to "hell-with-pony-tailed jerks".

The girls cheered. Relishing their approval, Sanji drank to each of them in turn, this time from the right to the left.

After that, he didn't need any particular reason to continue drinking.

As long as they kept the sake coming, he just did.

* * *

Luffy had eaten his way through the kitchen's supplies and was forced to take a little break. The tavern owner had come up to his table, red-faced and dabbing at his forehead with a hanky. He announced that if the gentleman planned on ordering another dish, the cook needed to go shopping for more food.

Luffy told him cheerfully that planned on ordering a lot more dishes and that of course he would wait patiently for the man's return. Meanwhile, he seized the opportunity to look around. Night had fallen outside, and the lamps had been lit. Merry folks were crowding the tavern, and his friends were among them.

He spotted Nami, sitting right at the bar with a broad-shouldered rogue, talking eagerly. Robin was at a table at the other side of the room, smiling, sipping her drink and looking over to Sanji. The cook was in female company, as was to be expected. Luffy just hadn't thought he'd attract so many chicks this time. This was a sleepy backwater town, after all. But the girls seemed to have a celebration of some sort and agreed on accepting the blonde cook as their fellow party animal.

Luffy's eyes strayed on, searching for Usopp and Chopper and Zoro. He found only Zoro, in the act of sneaking out of the tavern. The swordsman held the door with one hand and raised the other to Robin, as if to give a secret signal. Then, quick and silent as a wisp of mist, Zoro slipped out.

Something was fishy here.

Luffy moved over to Robin, hoping that the tavern's cook didn't return just now, think him gone and stop cooking. Judging the situation over at Sanji's table he doubted he could get his own chef-de-cuisine to prepare one decent ham-and-cheese sandwich any time soon.

'Hi, Robin.' He slid on to a chair next to her.

'Hi, Luffy.'

'Robin? If I'm imagining things, please say so. But I've got this feeling – no, I definitely watch my crew sidle off, one by one.'

'That's right.' Robin finally turned her attention to him.

'Why?'

'Because I asked them to.'

'Why?'

'Just a little scheming on Zoro's and my part. We want to see Nami and Sanji figure it out.'

'Figure out what?'

'Whether it's "this" or "that" or "something other", when they're left to their own devices.'

Luffy considered this very carefully.

'But Nami's talking to a brute, and from what I can see, Sanji's already three-quarters out of his skull on sake,' he pointed out. 'How are they going to figure out anything under such circumstances?'

'They will,' Robin assured him. 'Or I'm very mistaken and a lousy observer. – Luffy, you're next. Make sure they don't notice you leaving. Usopp, Chopper and Zoro are waiting outside. I'll be with you right away.'

'I still don't see the point in this. But if the others are on, so am I.' Luffy stood and casually made his way to the door, whistling and talking to himself, `Now, let's see...where's that stupid restroom again?'

'Over there,' said the violin player helpfully and pointed his bow.

'Oh, thank you,' said Luffy and dashed in the other direction.

Holding the door ajar, he imitated Zoro's signal, feeling that it gave the whole affair a wonderfully conspiratorial touch. Robin jerked a nod, and he was gone. Now it was only her left.

And, of course, the pair in question. Luffy had a point: Being each occupied with their own business, the cook and the navigator seemed not to care about or even notice each other's presence. Robin felt a small sting of uncertainty. _Had she gone too far?_ Sanji seemed beyond caring and noticing anything save the most immediate diversions, and there was a dazzling plenty of them within reach, indeed.

Then, the sailor's brutish hand touched Nami's shoulder.

And just as reliably as the navigator flinched, the cook's head snapped up.

Smiling secretly, Robin sneaked out.

* * *

'Ten percent, if you collect our prize money for winning the Dead End Race,' insisted Nami. 'Ten percent. That's good payment for so easy an errand. I mean, it's not like we're going to rob someone. We won that thing. The money's ours. If not the marine had moved in just as we were about to cross the finishing line...'

'The marine,' the sailor echoed. 'That's the problem. If they still hang around there, waiting for you, I might be in trouble.'

'Still, ten percent –'

'Eight,' the sailor offered.

'Now, you're really trying my – what? Eight?' Nami stared at him, wide-eyed. 'That a joke?'

'A new argument in the bargain,' the sailor said. 'I'll have eight percent. And the rest is made up of other goodies.'

'Other goodies?' Nami frowned. There was a change in his voice and expression that she didn't like at all. But before she could pinpoint what it was, he already gave the cue.

'You're a beautiful woman. I'm sure, we could come to an agreement that would leave you with more cash – and me with more fun to get out of the deal.'

'This deal is about money,' Nami said coldly. 'Not about fun.'

'No way we could change these harsh rules?' he asked, touching her shoulder. His rough hand felt like a dead weight on her body. 'Seven percent? Six?'

'Take off your paw!' Nami flinched, instinctively casting a searching glance over to Luffy's table.

Luffy was gone. So she was on her own. _Fine. She could cope._

'Stop talking such nonsense, Caras,' she said firmly. 'So, it's ten percent ca- '

She blinked: Her vis-a-vis was gone as she spoke, swept off his chair by something striking with deadly precision and almost too fast to see. Ten foot further, he crashed into a table and went down.

'What in hell,' Nami asked dangerously, 'was that about, Sanji?' She turned to him slowly, took in the sight of him, and her eyes widened. 'Geez, what happened to you? You alright?'

Sanji, pale and swaying, jerked a nod. 'You?' he asked.

'I'm fine.' Quickly assessing the situation, Nami thought that his visible eye had that peculiar glazed-over look she only ever saw on him when he came out of battle wounded or crawled into his hammock after partying with the boys.

_The boys._

Looking for someone to hand the intoxicated cook over to, it occurred to her that not only Luffy was missing.

'But – where are the others?' Nami asked, perplexed.

'Gone,' said Sanji darkly. 'Couldn't stand watching you strike deals with this scum.'

'What'd you say?' the sailor shouted.

Sanji cast him a one-eyed mean look, '...watching you strike deals with this deaf scum.'

'Sanji, stop!' Nami gestured wildly and started to explain, 'Remember the prize money for winning the Dead End Race? Luffy says we can't risk going on shore on Partia now. So I've come up with a plan. We'll send a messenger.' She pointed at the sailor, who was picking himself up. 'Caras here says he can do it. We were just about to agree on his share.'

Sanji scratched his head. 'Looked to me like you were going to be a share of his share.'

Nami flared. 'I. Can. Handle it, thank you.'

'Shit. You really think about making that deal, don't you?!' Sanji tried to grab her by the arm, missed and nearly landed face-first in her lap.

_'Ey! Watch it!'_ Nami pushed him back, while swiftly sliding off her chair. When she stood, she found Sanji's finger waving in front of her nose. He was leaning on the seat of chair she had sat on, and talked to her in a torrent of hasty, slightly slurred words, '...things more important than money, Nami, just think about it, all those things like enough food and romance and not sitting on an island in the middle of nowhere, waiting for a ship that may or may not pass by, and love, and devotion, and girls in white t-shirts taking a shower, and, and –_ love and showers_, and –' He stopped and asked, as an afterthought, 'Do you have a white t-shirt?'

'Get off, Sanji,' Nami said with forced clam.

'Huh?'

'You heard me.' Nami's voice rose. 'You're dead drunk, and you dare come to my table in that condiction, kick my business partner and suggest that I might have agreed to an absolutely disagreeable deal.'

A blank look of surprise crept on to Sanji's face. 'N-Nami-swan? You're not mad at me?'

'Don't ask. Just go. Now.'

Now, there was fear in his voice, 'But Nami – ?'

She bit her lip, shook her head and made a brisk "this-way-to-exit" move with her hand.

'Alright.' A small, defiant spark shone up in Sanji's eye. He slapped his hand on the bar. 'Shit. Fine. If that's how you want it – ' He cast her one last glance and, seeing her determined, staggered off. Nami watched him thread his way past the tables, fighting the small stings of her conscience. He really seemed hurt. But she couldn't have stood looking him in the eye for one second longer. Because she had to admit that for one moment, one brief moment before her nakama arrived, some foolish part of her mind hadn't found the idea of making an arrangement that saved her cash money as repulsive as it actually was... Oh, she knew she would never have accepted in the end. But she was shocked and feeling ashamed that it had to be Sanji and not herself making the wretch pay for his infamy.

'That was quite a show,' Caras said, reclaiming his seat. 'Continue with business?'

'Let's hear your offer,' said Nami absently.

'Five percent,' he said, looking her up and down with greedy eyes. 'If you put on a white t-shirt. Your blonde watch-dog got a point: It must look gorgeous on you.'

Slowly, Nami clenched her fist...

* * *

'All hands on deck!' Luffy pressed his back against the tavern building's wall and peered around the corner. 'Sanji's come out.'

'Only Sanji?' asked Usopp, craning his neck to look past Luffy. 'What about Nami?'

'Dunno. She must still be in there.'

There was a loud cracking noise inside, as if some heavy body crashed through half a dozen tables, damaging several bystanders as it went down.

'What was that?' asked Chopper, casting a quick, scared look at the wall beside him.

'Oh, that's probably Nami beating up some drunk groper,' said Luffy.

'What's up with the stupid cook?' asked Zoro.

The pirates watched Sanji walk unsteadily away from the tavern. After a few strides he stopped and, looking up at the sky, ran a hand through his hair.

_'Shiiiit!'_ he yelled at the few stars. _'Nami-swaaan!'_

He picked up a lump of dirt and chucked it against the brick wall of the nearest building. He took a pull on his cigarette, then, as if feeling a sudden distaste, threw it to the ground and trampled on it, screaming with rage. Usopp and Chopper clung to Luffy, shaking: Acting like he did, the blonde cook was putting the fear of Sanji into them.

Zoro muttered unflattering words, and Robin smiled as if she knew things and approved of what she saw.

'Didn't you say they'd figure it out,' Luffy asked of her.

'I did,' she agreed. 'But I never claimed it would be all doves and violets.'

The tavern door opened, and Nami stepped out into the open. Seeing Sanji hopping and stamping on the spot, her grumpy looks turned into an expression of surprise. 'Sanji? What are you doing?'

Pushing his hands into his pockets, he started to walk away.

'Sanji. Wait!' Nami hurried to catch up with him. 'Oi. Wait for me.' She fell in step beside him, totally oblivious to his icy silence. 'The deal is off. You were right, that guy was a total dumbass. But jus you wait. I'm going to find another messenger. I'm going to find him soon. Nothing's lost, especially not our money...'

'...treat me this way.'

'What?' Nami frowned. Suddenly, it occurred to her that something just was not right. It was Sanji, she realized, her nakama and devotee. He was supposed to listen to her, approve of her cleverness. Instead, he looked at her with cold anger in his visible eye.

'I said you have no right to treat me this way,' he repeated. 'Shout at me, send me away, when you were about to behave foolishly, and with me only trying to protect you...'

Nami was stunned, 'You think me foolish?'

'Well, when it comes to berys you know darn well you tend to switch on the calculator rather than your brains.'

'You dare?' Nami stopped in her tracks, bristling. 'How am I supposed to feel? You have no right to gatecrash my conversations and beat up my business partners.'

Sanji stopped, too. 'Business partner? That guy was a pervert.'

'How would you know? You haven't even spoken with him.'

Volume was rising steadily.

'I don't need to speak to a pervert to know him. _He groped you._ That says about all.'

'He touched my arm. What's the big deal?' shouted Nami. 'You asked whether I owned a white t-shirt!'

'A simple question that you never answered,' shouted Sanji.

'What if I said "yes"?' yelled Nami. 'You'd ask me to wear it in the shower, wouldn't you?'

'What if you don't?' yelled Sanji. 'You wouldn't, would you?'

'You drunk nincompoop! That doesn't even make sense!'

'Holy shit, Nami, what part of "Do you own a white t-shirt" do you need explained? Before you feel qualified to make a relevant statement?'

* * *

'Er,' said Luffy behind the corner. 'They're not really fighting about Nami's selection of t-shirts, are they?'

'No,' said Chopper. 'They're fighting over rhethorical implications of simple questions and the necessary qualifications to make a statement.'

'Huh?'

Usopp said sadly, 'I told him that sometimes it's more desirable to just slide under the table and be over with it. Really, Luffy. I told him.'

* * *

Meanwhile in the street, an agreement of sorts had been reached:

'Okay, so I'll get myself a white t-shirt,' yelled Nami. 'But only if you stop being so damned perverse and picture me wearing it in the shower!'

'That's not perverse, that's fucking normal. I'm nineteen,' Sanji yelled.

'I'm tired, and you're both perverts, screaming like that in the dead of the night,' a man's voice yelled from a nearby window. 'Shut up!'

A shoe came flying and hit the street. Sanji picked it up, spotted the man who'd thrown it and, racing up the wall, slammed it back at the red, angry face. The man staggered backwards and disappeared from sight. There was a commotion, some more screaming, a woman's voice joining in, and a dog barking. Sanji landed, not as elegantly as he used to, but safely enough. He looked up at the window.

'Now, what was that again,' asked Nami, exasperated. 'You attacked a harmless family man.'

'Just in case you missed it, Nami-san: He almost hit you with his shitty shoe.'

'Acting like my bodyguard again, aren't you?' Nami blustered, getting ready for round two. 'I won't stand that from a guy who knows starboard from larboard only by observing which eye his fringes are hanging down over.'

'Other than you, this fringed guy can at least tell sugar from salt without tasting it first,' retorted Sanji, acidly. 'And wasn't that an egg timer I saw you using the other day?'

'Already wondered where you'd left it, did you?' snarled Nami, viciously.

Sanji froze.

* * *

Hiding behind an unguarded carriage, the Straw Hat Pirates cringed.

'Ooooh,' whispered Chopper, putting his paws to his little cute mouth. 'That was low.'

'Maybe he's too drunk to process it?' Usopp suggested, hopefully.

'Uh-uh,' said Luffy. 'Look at his face. Went right through the heart.'

'Way to go, Nami,' mumbled Zoro. 'This way, I'll never win my five-thousa- '

Robin shoved her elbow into his ribs. 'Shut up!'

'Shhh,' hissed Luffy. 'Chopper. Your hearing's better than anyone else's. Come over here and listen. I want to know what happens next.'

* * *

In the street, time seemed to have stopped, and the silence stretched. Nami had actually taken a step away from Sanji, as if respecting his personal space now could somehow make up for her venomous words. Her mind raced: _What in All Blue had made her say that?_ Sanji never used an egg timer. He could prepare a perfect four-minute-and-thirty-four-seconds egg down to the last second without ever once consulting a watch. Every Straw Hat knew that.

And now Sanji stood there, gazing past her at the darkness between two buildings. Looking cold, looking distant.

'I – ,' Nami began, then stopped. She wasn't prepared to apologize. _Hell, he'd provoked her, hadn't he?_ Practically started this row by suggesting she needed his help to handle a tavern clumsy...

He patted his jacket for cigarettes.

'Sanji?'

Still not looking at her, he produced the box and put a cigarette in his mouth.

'Maybe – maybe we both got carried away a bit,' Nami suggested.

Sanji fumbled for his lighter.

'Sanji?' Irritation crept into Nami's voice, but it wasn't directed at the cook. She was thinking about Luffy. _Where was he when she needed him to maneuvre out of this awkward situation?_ 'It's getting late. Don't just stand there, smoking. Let's go back to the Going Merry and find the others.'

Sanji took the smoke out of his mouth and regarded at it as if he'd never paused to look at a cigarette before. 'Nami?'

'Yes?' _Don't look at that thing, dammit. Look at me!_

'Got a light on you?'

* * *

'He asked for a light,' Chopper translated, holding a paw behind his ear and listening concentratedly.

'Huh?' Luffy looked up at Robin. 'A light?'

Robin smiled her enigmatic smile and held up a lighter well-known to the Straw Hats.

Zoro guffawed.

'You nicked Sanji's lighter?'asked Usopp, perplexed. 'But when? How?'

'I had a lot of helping hands at my disposal. And plenty of opportunity while he was busy hugging the tavern girls.'

'Idiot cook,' growled Zoro.

* * *

In the street, Nami patted her tight shorts and shirt and eventually admitted that, no, she had no light on her.

'Shit,' said Sanji, who'd continued searching his own pockets. 'All I got left are some old-fashioned matches and nothing to strike them on.'

He presented the small sticks to Nami.

She narrowed her eyes. 'What's the problem? Something wrong with your soles?'

'Stuck,' Sanji put on a crooked smile and shoved his hands in his pockets.

Alarmed, Nami checked the mobility of her feet. They were perfectly okay. So was the surface of the street, and she felt a little silly. _Well, what with the things they'd seen, you could never know._ Just to make sure, she asked, 'Stuck? What do you mean, "stuck"?'

'Stalled by King Booze.' Sanji shrugged nonchalantly, the cold smoke between his teeth.

Nami's eyes widened, 'You mean you're too drunk to strike a match against you sole? Don't be silly! I saw you going up that wall and _smash a shoe down on that man_.'

'Ah, the blessings of forms and training routines in martial arts.' Sanji shrugged again. 'Once you've reached a certain level of mastery they tend to become an automatism. Striking a match seems easy. But it can be so much more complex in comparison. Hey. If you're going to laugh - '

'I'm not going to laugh.' Nami sighed and reached out her hand. 'Give me a match.'

She took a match, striked it against the sole of her shoe and offered it to Sanji. Behind their cupped hands he lit his cigarette and took a long pull.

'Thanks,' he said, looking considerably relieved as the blue smoke started curling upward.

Nami shook the match and dropped it.

'Come on,' she offered. 'I'll take you home.'

* * *

'No, no, no, no – _no!_' said Chopper, exasperated, shaking his head. 'Nicotine on top! That human is a doctor's nightmare come true! Does he know what he's doing?'

'Well, at any rate he's not doing what he's supposed to,' growled Zoro.

'Patience,' said Robin. 'They still have a little walk ahead of them.'

Chopper continued making his professional point, 'We've got to get Sanji to rest. He can't go on like this for much longer.'

'He can,' assured Robin.

'Well, he shouldn't,' the reindeer insisted.

'That's a different thing.'

'Oi. Zoro's gone,' said Usopp.

'Wonder what he's up to?' said Luffy.

Robin smiled, standing silent and tall like a dark angel.

+++End of Chapter 1+++

A/N: Well, they are on their way now. :) I was having a little problems saving the layout, so if you happen to be re-reading: Sorry for the initial confusion. And please, review :)


	2. Better Buy that T-Shirt Oversize

Hi there, thank you for coming back or continuing to read my story. Thanks also to you, tentsubasa, for reviewing. I'm sorry for the confusion. You got me double-checking the meaning of "prove s.b. wrong" :), but I guess it's due to a flaw in getting across the fact that Zoro actually finds the conversation sort of embarrassing. Think of his usage of "this and that" as a way to evade more explicit language to describe what he thinks the 'idiot cook' would do with Nami, and Robin's answer as a way of saying, "I know you all think Sanji a pervert who can hardly wait to tackle Nami and tear off her clothes, but I'm not sure that's what he'd do". Then, the conditions of the bet are back in order: 'I, Robin, will give you, Zoro, five-thousand berys, if we can catch Sanji and Nami kissing tonight (which I believe they won't do, no matter what). If they don't, it's five-thousand berys for me (easy money for this girl, because - other than you think - Sanji _is_ capable of thinking of other things than sex).'

Robin probably shouldn't be making things easier for Zoro to win, I'll grant that. But she's a scientist. She's curious to see if her theory can last when put to the test, and scientific experiment often means extreme conditions :)

Let the experiment continue...

Disclaimer: I do not own "One Piece" and/or any of its characters, and I do not make money out of this.

* * *

+++ Chapter 2: Better Buy that T-shirt Oversize+++

Walking in the direction of Going Merry, Nami looked around the dusky street. There were a few gas lights, but they gave off hardly enough light to navigate by. The shadows to the left and right were dark enough to offer hiding for an entire army of assassins, and narrow side streets and gaps between buildings virtually invited cut-throats to go into lurking.

Nami cast her company at secret glance: Of course, she was in the company of a skilled fighter who would risk his life to keep her out of harm's way.

_But on the other hand..._

She reached out and grabbed Sanji by the arm, 'Watch it. Lamp post.'

Stopping with his nose only inches from the harm in his way, Sanji let his gaze wander up to the gas light. 'Gee. Didn't see that one coming.' He sounded genuinely surprised.

Nami sighed. 'I wonder where Luffy and the others are.' She tugged at Sanji's arm to make him walk on. 'Isn't it odd? You'd think they'd've told us when they left. It's not like Luffy, leaving us to stumble across an unknown city.' _And with you drunk like a pirate on marine's day-off evening,_ she added silently.

'What's the problem?' said Sanji cockily. 'He knows you're with the best fighter of his crew.'

Nami sighed again, 'It's only that right now you can't walk in a straight line.'

'Who says that?' said Sanji, trying to turn to Nami and bumping into her in the process.

'I do,' she grunted, pushing him away. 'Putting one foot in front of the other obviously isn't part of your automatized training routine.'

'Hah. No problem.' Sanji turned and spreading his arms walked away from her – backwards. 'Straight line. See?'

Nami dashed, 'Watch it! Lamp po- '

_Bonk!_

'Whoa!'

'Eeek!'

_Fwump._

* * *

'I can't watch.' Chopper covered his eyes with his paws. 'How bad is it? Are they hurt?'

'Only their pride, I guess,' said Luffy.

'Is Nami ripping off his head for tripping her?' asked Usopp. Like Chopper he was peering through his fingers.

'Nope,' said Luffy, checking on the couple. 'She's merely sitting there.'

'What, on top of him?' asked Usopp.

'Mmmh-hmm.'

Usop mustered some courage and dared peek around the corner. 'Did they kiss? I mean, tumbling to the ground in a tangle like that...'

'Nope, they didn't,' said Luffy, 'His cigarette was in the way, I guess.'

'Too bad,' said Usopp. 'If proof were needed that vice _can_ stand in the way of finding happiness...this would probably be promoted to textbook example.'

Luffy regarded the sniper thoughtfully. He was not entirely sure why tumbling to the ground in a tangle of arms and legs should be conducive to romantic encounters. _If it was_, he decided, _he should have a lot of those._ His tumblings were more or less inevitably done in great tangles of limbs.

_'Well,'_ he told himself, _'maybe I just don't usually tangle and tumble with the right kind of person? Maybe I should give it a try with Nami next chance there is.'_

But returning his attention to the couple in the street, he thought that Nami looked like she'd had her fill of tangling and tumbling and would not agree on any experiments in that direction for at least another month.

* * *

Nami pushed her hair out of her eyes and sorted herself out. No pain. Nothing broken, dislodged or sprained. Her underwear was in place, her heels intact. She was hearing a soft ringing noise like a violin, though, but she expected it to pass quickly. Turning her attention more outward, she realised that Sanji's arms were about her, and she started up: 'Hey!'

'Good,' he mumbled, his eyes closed. 'You're okay.'

Since he let her go easily, Nami cooled down quickly. She realised that he had only clutched her to his body protectively so she would land on him and not get hurt. Which probably meant that he had not been able to break his own fall and crashed head-long. That was typically Sanji. _Damn his self-sacrificing attitude._ She scrutinized his face, worried, 'Sanji-kun?'

'You're sitting on my stomach.' He opened his eyes, and they were virtually blinking hearts at her. 'Nami-san, and you – you're touching my hair.'

Nami was indeed running her fingers through his hair, looking for lacerations. 'Forget that for a moment. You must've hit your head really badly.'

He lay really still, not daring to speak for fear that this dream might end. Besides, all he could think of was the observation that from his present position he could see an inspiring lot of her cleavage. _And that,_ Sanji realised even through the haze of mild concussion and sake, _might not be the wisest thing to point out to her if one wasn't on his feet, ready to charge._

Besides, there were other things eating him...

'Sanji-kun, talk to me! Are you hurt?'

'No, but I'm sorry.'

Nami stopped and stared, 'You're sorry you're not hurt?'

The violin in her head sobbed and lamented, and her nakama seemed about to do the same.

'Earlier...all the things I said...' Sanji tried to explain. 'Just imagine, the two of us _fighting_.'

'Yes, well, it happens, you know?' Nami finished examining the state of his bones with a satisfactory result. As to his mental condition - she didn't have the slightest doubt about that. Never had, actually.

'I never meant to say such things,' he sniffed miserably. 'I never meant even to _think_ such things about you.'

Nami merely nodded her head, taking full advantage of her stone-cold sober mind over his sake-bleeding heart. Otherwise, she'd had felt compelled to admit that the thing about the egg timer wasn't exactly a stroke of genius, either... The weeping violin music was starting to get on her nerves. 'It's okay, Sanji-kun. I think I find it within myself to forgive you.'

'But I can't forgive myself,' insisted Sanji, 'I've been so rude, and you've been so right, and you're my Nami-swan, and I can't – ,' he choked, then gasped – '_can't_' - then continued with just a tinge of urgency in his voice, 'I can't breathe properly with you sitting on my ribs like that, Nami-san.'

'Oh.' Nami quickly scrambled off his body. 'Sorry.'

Sanji sat up, clutching his side, but moving nimbly enough to suggest that he had not suffered permanent injury. He still looked miserable, having not even noticed that his smoke was crushed, and cold, and dangling at an awkward angle. And he looked sick. Was it something about the cool night air and the surge of emotion, working together to spread the remaining sake all the faster in his system? Nami had an awkward vision of him passing out on her. She wasn't Luffy or Chopper in his man-shape, and hauling Sanji all the way to the ship was something she'd rather avoid.

'C'mon,' she said, holding out her hand to help him up. _Oh-oh. Big mistake._ She could see him shift into woo-ing mode again.

'You want me to – to take your hand?'

Nami rolled her eyes. 'I don't seem to have a choice, do I? Since I seem sort of stuck with the hassle of dragging your shitfaced self back to the ship, that's what I'll do,' she informed him, and added in curious despair, 'But you'd better not go to pieces over it. Because I don't have a bag on me to collect them, and, with Chopper missing, no reindeer sleigh to transport – wait! What're you gaping at?' Nami blushed.

'Just thinking,' Sanji said, as if he didn't notice he was staring at her breasts. 'Actually, I see a perfect makeshift bag on you.'

Nami was holding back only barely, 'Go on, ask me to buy that white t-shirt oversize so you can fit in with me, why don't you?'

'No shitty kidding?' Sanji turned dreamy eyes to her, 'You would do that?'

Having knocked her knuckles against his head, Nami straightened up and finally noticed the source of the strange, persistent violin music. It was not merely a figment of her imagination, or an after-effect of her fall. It was a real fiddler, standing in the entrance of a dark alley and playing a sweet melody with a miserable look on his face.

'But – isn't that the guy from the tavern,' said Nami, astonished. 'What's he doing here?'

'Playing the violin?' suggested Sanji, and received another rapping to the head. 'Ouch.'

'Get up. I want to take a look at this,' Nami told him.

They walked over and stood, listening. The fiddler changed his tune to something more cheery, a well-known East Blue folk song about springtime, birds and happy love.

'That's beautiful.' Nami closed her eyes, folded her hands and started to hum along. Sanji wondered if he might dare and put his arm around her. The moment seemed opportune. But she had started to sway softly to the tune, and it was making him dizzy. The movement of the musician's bow on the strings made him dizzy. He shoved his hands into his pockets and sagged his shoulders, and that seemed to help some. His gaze wandered from the instrument to the fiddler, and there -

Sanji frowned, looking again. 'Say, Nami-san, does anything about this guy strike you as curious?'

She opened her eyes, 'Because he's got no obvious reason for being here, you mean? No audience save us, and no bin or box in front of him to collect coins in?'

'Yeah, that too, but I was asking myself – '

'...why he's shaking like a leaf?'

Sanji gave a sigh of relief, 'I thought it was just me, being drunk and all. So you noticed, too?'

'Sure. And the blade on his neck.'

'Looks familiar, doesn't it?' Encouraged by her affirmation, Sanji stepped closer, trying to see around the musician. 'Oi? Marimo? That you lurking in the shadows?'

'Get real, Sanji. Why would Zoro threaten a poor fiddler?'

'Why wouldn't he?'

Nami moaned, 'Don't you set off on that drunk logic again.'

'Hey, it's gone,' said Sanji, as the blade was removed from the man's neck.

'Music's over, too,' said Nami. 'A pity. He was really good.'

They watched the musician grab his violin case and bolt down the street. The dark alley behind the spot where he'd stood was empty.

They continued on their way to the port.

'Speaking of the marimo,' said Sanji casually, walking with his hands in his pockets. 'I've been wondering... Nami-san, do you think there's something going on between him and Robin?'

'Zoro and Robin?' Nami thought for a moment, then she shook her head. 'No. No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?'

Keeping his eyes on the ground ahead, Sanji raised his shoulders.

'Sanji?' said Nami, sympathetically. 'Look at me. Please. Would it be a problem for you, if they discovered feelings for each other?'

* * *

'Aarrgh,' moaned Zoro, running his hand over his short-clipped hair. 'Now she's playing the "Let's-talk-about-your-problems" card.'

'What's so bad about that,' said Usopp.

Zoro glared at him. 'Can you think of anything more deadly for romance than a woman trying to explain your psyche to you while you're trying to court her?'

'Er - fluffy rabbits gathering under your chair?'

'Fluffy - what?'

'P-pink,' said Usopp, his voice suddenly thin and fragile. 'Fluffy pink rabbits gathering under your chair. You've watched them zig-zagging all across the room for ten minutes, coming from all directions, going straight under your chair. You don't know why, or where they're coming from, but here they are, getting more by the minute. It's a leporine conspiration. They nibble your toes, just as you're about to tell the woman in your company how lovely she is and how much you adore her, and there's dozens of small, sharp teeth and it really hurts - '

'Er, Usopp?' said Chopper, but the sniper went on, raising his voice, 'But you push aside the pain, after all, you have something to say, but just as you find the courage, she'll go all "Oooh, look, it's a pink rabbit under your chair, oh, nooo, there's even more, they're so cute!",' he gestured to get the idea across, '- and she'll stick one of the things in your face, and it bites your nose, and you say "I think it just bit my nose", and she'll be like, "How can you say that, when it's so cute, you heartless wrench!",' - his voice sank to a whisper, 'and so much for romance... And for dinner.'

'That's terrible,' said Luffy, who sat with his arms wrapped around his knees, shivering.

'What?' asked Usopp, absently, wiping away a secret tear. 'The romance or the lost-dinner part?'

Chopper stood, opening and closing his soft dark eyes slowly with an expression that said clearly, _Alright, so I'm a reindeer. I don't have to understand human mating rituals._

'Er, _yeah,_' said Zoro. 'Thanks a lot for sharing this, Usopp. Anyway - did you know this would happen, Robin?'

'At some point, sooner or later, yes, I expected it,' said Robin, straining to hear past her comrades' voices and follow what was spoken in the street. She didn't tell Zoro, but she was surprised to find herself - and him - in the center of the couple's discussion.

'That's quite unfair then,' Zoro claimed. 'With their conversation going in that direction, my chances for win- ' he remembered the standing rule not to mention the bet and corrected himself, 'for _proving you wrong_ are diminished by the second.'

'May I remind you that minutes ago, you pulled off the "Romantic-music-will-melt-the-ice" trick to diminish _my_ chances,' said Robin. 'By the way, was it really necessary to scare that poor musician? You could've given him money.'

'Money?' asked Zoro. 'He's doing it for money?'

'Don't tell me that's news for you.'

'How would I know what those guys want? They come to my table, I scowl at them, they go away.'

Robin regarded him thoughtfully. 'In your private world, life's workings are really simple as that, aren't they?'

'Oi! It's the "Let's-talk-about-your-problems" card!' Zoro assumed a fighting stance, complete with his third sword between his teeth. 'I'm ready. Tackle!'

Robin stared at him, 'Really, you're behaving like a – '

'Hey, guys,' said Luffy. 'Nami and Sanji are on direct course into trouble.'

* * *

A girl in hot pants and a sinew-and-bones youth in a suit that carried himself like a question-mark, walking alone in the dark: The leader of the gang of seven cut-throats considered the couple easy game.

He was surprised when a sword-wielding man with green hair descended seemingly out of thin air before him. The stranger spoke around the hilt of a third blade that he held with his teeth: 'I suggest you pass on nicely and without fuss. You're in danger of ruining my bet.'

'Wonder who's in danger here?' The gang leader signaled his men and raised his weapon.

* * *

Shuffling along with his hands in his pockets, Sanji lifted his head a bit. Not very lively, not very interested.

'Someone's fighting,' he remarked.

'I can hear swords clashing,' said Nami. 'Zoro?'

'Who cares. Not me.'

'He's our nakama.' Nami frowned. She'd decided long ago that the boys' definition of comradeship would forever remain a mystery to her. 'But you're not exactly worried, are you?'

'If he needs help, he's gotta ask.' Sanji shuffled on, kicked at a pebble and continued with their conversation. 'So, you don't think Robin and the marimo've been on curiously good terms tonight? I mean, I overheard them talking about shitty ancient swords, for godssake.'

'Mm-mmh,' said Nami. 'Look. There's a thing called "girl talk", and being the only girls in the gang, Robin and I do it by day and at night and even from two sides of the closed bathroom curtain. If she had an interest, believe me, I'd know. And Zoro certainly seems like he never thinks of anything but his swords.'

'O-VER-SIZE white t-shirts in the SHOW-ER!' Zoro's voice roared in some nearby alley.

'Huh?' said Nami, perplexed.

'Nami-swan?' Sanji raised his head. 'You know I'm far from questioning your judgment. But maybe you'd like to reconsider?'

* * *

The gang leader and six of his men lay lifeless on the ground.

The seventh man tried to push through the wall in his back, as Zoro's menacing form approached him. He stared in a panic at the light reflected off the blade.

'In what way, man?' he gasped. 'In what way do we ruin your bet?'

'You,' said Zoro, who had sheathed two of his swords, not expecting too much resistance now, 'are interfering with my nakama's intention of kissing that girl.'

'But they're not even in love,' stammered the poor scoundrel.

'What?' asked Zoro sharply, eyes blazing. 'What in hell makes you think so?'

'Just look at them,' said the man, shaking. 'Two foot distance between them. They're not even holding hands. Look!'

'That would be normal romantics.' Zoro leaned closer, baring his teeth and touching his sword to the man's neck. 'The ero-cook isn't about "normal". He's about "_Nami-swaaan_" and picturing girls wearing white t-shirts in the shower.'

'But,' stuttered the cut-throat, 'isn't any man? I mean, come on, girls wearing white t-shirts?'

'O-VER-SIZE white t-shirts!' roared the green-haired maniac, rising and swinging his sword in a wide circle. _'In the SHOW-ER!'_

'Zoro,' came Luffy's half-shouted whisper out of the dark. 'Chopper can't hear what Nami and Sanji are saying.'

'Sorry,' whispered Zoro.

Just a little more noise... Eight bodies lay lifeless on the ground.

* * *

Zoro returned to his comrades at a trot. Luffy was still on the look-out and didn't acknowledge the swordsman's presence. Nor did any of the others. Zoro frowned. He had not expected to be praised and carried around on shoulders for his victory over a bunch of crooks. But he found himself irritated by the general lack of interest in his person.

Suddenly, Luffy got up, 'Okay, guys, let's move!'

'Where to?' asked Zoro.

Finally, Luffy looked at him. 'Well, to where we can see where Sanji and Nami are escaping to.'

'Escape? But - I did away with the cutthroats?' Zoro said.

'Yes, but you did away with the wrong cutthroats,' Luffy informed him. 'Sanji and Nami had stirred up two gangs, actually. I tried to tell you, but you set off in such a hurry - '

Zoro pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, 'Okay, so who is the real problem?'

'I think it's overrating, calling it a "problem". But there's that guy that Nami's been talking to in the tavern. He's brought a couple of friends. And from what you can see of his face, the parts that are not bandaged, he's _really_ pissed.'

'And - and Nami - and the idiot cook?'

Luffy waved his hand, 'Off like lightning. Nami's just grabbed Sanji by the arm - _like this! Come on!_' He grabbed Zoro by the arm and bolted after his comrades, who dashed after the band of sailors, who were on the heels of Sanji, who raced to keep up with Nami, who had made the somewhat curious decision to run from those jerks and whom the cook would protect with his life, even though he - not unlike Zoro and Luffy - somehow failed to see the problem...

+++ End of Chapter 2 +++

* * *

A/N: Well, that's it for chapter 2 - please feel free to review.


	3. No T-shirts Involved, But Anyway

Hi there, thank you for still following me along. I kept you waiting; sorry for that. Hope, the length of the chapter partly makes up for it.

Thanks, Catalynn and tentsubasa, for reviewing (wish that some more readers would follow your example :) )

Disclaimer: I do not own "One Piece" and/or any of its characters, and I do not make money out of this.

* * *

+++Chapter 3: No T-shirts Involved, But Anyway...+++

Running from their pursuers, Nami knew they were getting closer to the harbor. She had noticed the style of the buildings when she disembarked with Luffy and the others: Houses seemed to have been stacked on top of each other, in the early years when the first merchants settled down, needing to provide storage facilities, and offices, and housing for the dock workers and seamen, as well as quarters for themselves and their families. The architects kept adding facilities like rectangular boxes stapled by a giant child. They created a maze that grew steadily toward the sky, since building sites with direct access to the wet docks were limited. Ladders, stairs, and planks connected the buildings dozens of meters above the ground. In some places, arched stone bridges crossed the gap between two structures on different alley sides.

For the last two minutes, Nami had been on the way up, climbing several narrow flights of stairs in a row. She passed by shuttered windows and closed doors. She could tell by the general outlook of things, by flower pots, pretty wreaths of herbs, polished brass bells, forgotten toys and the occasional pair of dirty laborer's boots on some doorstep that she had entered an area of tenements. Not the richest of neighborhoods probably, but neat and made habitable by caring hands.

'Okay, so you won't let me stop and mash that scum. Understood,' said Sanji, who was right behind her. 'But can you at least tell me where we're going?'

'I know what Caras has come back for,' said Nami. 'It only takes an educated guess to figure out: He knows there's an unclaimed prize waiting to be collected, so he plans to go there and steal it from us. But in order to set course for Partia, he needs our log pose.'

'You're so clever, Nami-san,' said Sanji, honestly awed.

'I intend to let him have it.'

'You're so - ' _No, wait, that didn't sound quite so clever -_ 'you're going to give him the log pose to Partia?'

'Of course not. I'm going to pull the same trick on him that Gasparde pulled on us.' They reached another ladder. Nami tested the wooden rungs for stability. 'I'm going to give him the log pose leading to the marine stronghold on Navarone. I only need a tool and half a minute to screw the fake plaque back on, you know, the plaque saying "Partia" that fooled us, too. - What is it?'

Sanji stopped, cocking his head slightly. He spotted a narrow passage between box-shaped habitats. 'Let's try this way.'

'What? Why?'

'Let's just do it.'

Nami frowned, 'Where does it lead to?'

'I don't know.' Sanji entered the passage. 'I simply _know_ - it's like an epiphany, Nami-san. Please, trust me.'

'Trust? In your epiphanies? How many white t-shirts do you see waving at you? - Hey. Wait for me!' Sanji disappeared in the darkness of the passage, and Nami had no choice but to follow. Sanji moved as to the manner born, looking neither left nor right as he led her steadily upwards. There were voices in the distance, as of a partying crowd, and they continued to grow louder.

Finally, they emerged on top of a flat roof. It had to be one of the highest structures of the town, granting a dazzling sight over the buildings in their back and the harbor and the glistening, dark water of the ocean in front. Someone was clearly using the platform as a place to enjoy sunny afternoons, since there were flowers, chairs, a rather large table and even two young trees set in pots in the corners of the wall top.

Right now, it was the scene of the party, with garlands, lanterns and lots of cheering voices.

And the crowd was familiar.

'I knew it,' moaned Nami, putting her hand to her face. 'You and your womanizing instincts. No white t-shirts involved after all, but anyway...'

Sanji was beyond words and did not reply.

The party crowd noticed the new arrivals, and two girls immediately stood up and came over.

'Hey. It's Sanji,' said birthday girl Mel 'The Gorgeous', tugging at his left hand, and 'How could you leave us without even saying goodbye?' said lace-and-leather Leila, seizing his right.

_Yes, how could he?_ Sanji had no answer. Slightly glassy-eyed, he allowed Mel to lead him to the table. A dozen pretty hands received him and guided him to a seat of honor.

Nami reached out and took Leila by the arm, just as the dark-clad girl started to return to her own chair. 'Please, wait a sec – Leila, is it? What are you doing here?'

'We live here.'

'I mean, why aren't you in that tavern?'

'Still celebrating Mel's birthday.' Leila, who seemed to hold her drink better than her friends, eyed Nami coolly. 'After your departure with cook-ie, the tavern stopped being a place to have fun in. Lots of breaking furniture and brawling men instead. So we decided to continue our party here.'

She didn't seem about to invite Nami, and the navigator herself had other things to do, 'Do you by chance have a tool? Some kind of screwdriver?'

Leila thought for a moment. Then she handed Nami a small tool that combined a corkscrew, a bottle opener and some other equipment.

'Perfect.' Nami switched open a small blade with a blunt tip. 'Leila, you seem to be the most coherent person left in this crowd. Can you take care of Sanji? I mean: see to it that maybe he doesn't drink to all of you in turn, but gets it over with in one single salute? I don't want to have to drag him back to the harbor...'

'I can't promise,' Leila shot a glance at the table behind her, 'but I see you point. Okay, I'll try. But what are you going to do?'

Nami lifted the table cloth and prepared to slide under it, 'I'd like to sit under the table and mind my own business for a minute.'

'That's fine.' Leila shrugged. 'Just don't take too long with that corkscrew. It's needed up here.'

* * *

When the scoundrels arrived, their number was actually down to one man only – Caras himself.

All of his companions had somehow, mysteriously, been thrown off the trail and got lost. More than one of his men had been tripped and crashed down the stairs. At first, Caras had not made much of it. The steps were treacherous and if those nitwits were too dumb to adapt to that, well, then so be it.

But then, he started to catch fleeting images of hands that grew out of the walls and the stairs, reaching, groping, grabbing for his comrades and him. And there was a voice, a cold, vaguely sardonic female voice that stated softly that "they" should leave it to "her", since "their" way was making too much noise. Apart from those uncanny appearances, the men could not make out any more signs indicating to the nature of their invisible opponents.

Eventually, Caras was left with only one last comrade at his side, and before long, that man was snatched away too. Screaming madly, he was flung down the stairs by ghostly hands that reached up from the stone floor like hands of the undead clawing their way out of the grave.

Caras ran faster, cursing the orange haired girl, the darkness and the flight of stairs that seemed without end. He cursed so loud and his heart pounded so thunderously in his ears that he barely recognized the noise of the party before him. Therefore, he was quite surprised when he stumbled right into it.

'Huh?' He stood and stared, unable to make sense of the bizarre scene. At first, he saw only celebrating girls, wondering vaguely what they did up here, and in the middle of the night.

Then he discovered the blond youth from the tavern sitting among them, and he fumbled his gun from his belt. The display, however, failed to have any remarkable effect whatsoever. The girls giggled tipsily, and the blond merely said something in the line of, _'man, you're really starting to piss me off_.'

Caras breathed in deeply, 'Where's the little orange-haired – '

'Careful, if you mean to offend a lady, and especially Nami-san,' said Sanji friendly, 'From over here, it'll take me one second to smash your jaw.'

'But I'm holding a gun.'

'I already took that into account,' said the blond with deliberate patience. 'Otherwise, it'd be half a second or less.'

'Listen, you freak – '

'Leave Sanji alone, I'm here.' Nami came up from under the table and stood before Caras. 'Get lost. I told you the deal's off.'

'The deal, yes. But the money's still there to be picked up.' Caras touched his hand to his bandaged chin. 'Small compensation for your outburst of temper, if you ask me. But I need your log pose. Hand it over to me.'

'Or what?'

'Are you guys daft? _I'm holding a gun!_' Caras gestured menacingly with his weapon and cast a look over his shoulder to see if the ghost hands were already closing in. 'The log pose! Get a move on!'

Putting the right mixture of defiance, fury and fear on her face, Nami started to remove the log pose she carried on her wrist. Screwing the little plaque back on, she had thought about her next steps and the conclusion was, _Don't make it too easy for him. He expects you to try some trick; he'll grow suspicious if he asks for the log pose and you just go "Sure, gladly, here it is..." _

'Are you trying to trick me?' Caras snapped, just as she had him expected to do. 'That's your very own log pose. I want the real one, the one leading to Partia.' He aimed his gun an Sanji. 'Hurry.'

_Now we're talking business._ Faking even more defiance, worry and helplessly fury, Nami produced the log pose she had rigged.

'Put it on the ground. Nice and slow.' Cautiously, Caras stepped forward and picked the device up. He looked at it from all sides. It clearly said "Partia" on a small brass plaque. The news that fake log poses had been given out to the participants of the race in the first place had not yet spread far enough, all immediate witnesses being dead or captured by the marines. With the exception of the Straw Hats, of course, and just as naturally neither Nami nor Sanji were in the least inclined to tell.

The girls who had watched with interest like it was all a show for their amusement started to hiss and utter shrill catcalls.

'I thought you two were _Straw Hats_,' said Mel to Sanji, disappointed, 'And you let him rob you just like that? Are you or aren't you a member of Monkey D. Luffy's crew?'

'Are you?' Caras weighted the log pose in his hand. 'That's a new development. Not just any pirate crew, but the notorious Monkey D. Luffy's gang? Is there something you did not tell me, miss, huh?' He moved his gun, now aiming at Nami. 'A bounty on your pretty head on top of the prize, maybe?'

There was a very swift movement, one that Caras almost failed to evade. He ducked just as Sanji's foot kicked the air where his head had been. Bringing his gun around, he fired a shot, '_Hey!_ Back off!'

The shot went off into the air, but the girls panicked immediately. Shrieking, they started to run, only to find that they didn't have far to go and even less functional places to hide in. So they started to grab the things on the table - glasses, candles, cutlery, sweets, flowers, lipsticks - and flung them at the attacker. Leila turned into a virtual tigress and, teaming up with two equally determined friends, assaulted Caras with her teeth and manicured nails.

Sanji shouted at them to move out of the way, looking for a place to aim his kicks without hitting one of the girls.

Nami wanted to leave, now that the fake log pose had successfully changed hands. Calling out for Sanji, she set off in the direction of the stairs, but a dull impact on her left temple stopped her. A sudden sharp pain set her head reeling. Her vision narrowed and tilted at an awkward angle. The noise of the bottle that had hit her seemed unnaturally loud, as it clanked on the stone floor. It made her wait, strangely detached, for the sound of her own body collapsing on the ground.

It didn't come.

She was being caught and held, hearing Sanji's voice close to her ear, 'Nami-san? Nami! _Nami!_ Say something, _please_!'

'Ouch,' she whispered, trying to smile bravely.

She was lifted up.

'Don't die on me, Nami-san,' Sanji begged. He was jumping off the roof with her, if she didn't mis-interpreted the strange hollow tickling in her stomach. They hit solid ground a moment later, and she was put down to lie on her back. At first, she saw only the moon, a huge, blindingly bright disk that hurt her eyes. Then, Sanji leaned over her. She couldn't immediately see his face that was only a pool of shadows with the moonlight glittering in his blond hair like a halo. Dreamily, Nami thought that her nakama looked almost like an angel - but he was scared and close to tears, and that forced her in return to try and become more awake.

'N-nami-san?' Sanji begged, 'Please, don't die on me, p-please, say something, are you okay?'

'Your hand is in my hair,' she mumbled.

'J-just making s-sure you're o-okay.' He withdrew his hand.

'You know,' said Nami, still feeling slightly disoriented, 'when we started on this walk home, I was sure you'd be the one of us to get the rug pulled out from under his feet by a bottle of sake...'

'I n-needed to get you out of the l-line of f-fire.' Sanji undertook a conscious effort to get a grip on himself, then continued in a more collected way, 'We're on a balcony, t-ten meters down. Nami-san, don't move...'

'I'm okay.' Nami rose on her elbows.

'Really?'

Nami put on a brave smile: No need for two people to go to pieces over one and the same buzzing head. '_Really_ really.'

Sanji said, 'If you're sure, I'll go back up and show that damned bastard – '

At that moment, Caras fell past them, shrieking all the way down.

* * *

Caras could never quite explain afterwards just what had happened. When the orange-haired girl got hit by a flying bottle, the blond fighter snatched her and carried her over the edge of the roof. Caras stepped up on the cordon to see where the couple had gone. Next, he suffered a strong sensation of what felt like he was hit by a barrage of projectiles like angry wasps fired at him by a master sniper. Tottering out of balance, he was tripped by hands that grew out of his very legs to grab at his ankles, while being additionally shoved by a foot that was attached to a grotesquely extractable leg and rammed in the small of his back by a reindeer wearing a pink hat.

It was the reindeer part that the marines found extremely amusing when their new prisoner told his story, after being caught sailing, brazen-faced, right into their base at Navarone.

Tied to an interrogation chair, Caras gave his best to make them believe that it had been a reindeer, alright. With a blue nose and a pink hat.

'Whatever it was,' the marine captain would say, wiping tears of laughter from the corner of his eye. 'When you tried to make fools out of the Straw Hat Pirates, it never occurred to you that the little bitch and her friends were worth every single bery of bounty that's on their heads, did it?

'At that time, no, it didn't.'

The marine officer's smile faded. 'And thus I take it,' he said, 'you secretly thought the marine a bunch of fools for putting such a sum on their heads in the first place?'

'Er. No. No, I didn't.'

'Bad stand for someone tied to a chair in a marine stronghold, lad,' the officer said sympathetically, giving his subordinates a not-so-secret sign. 'Bad stand...'

* * *

In the middle of the night, in the middle of the floor of a flat roof, half a dozen girls stood and stared at as many pirates. And the pirates stared back, save one: A tall, dark lady who preferred stepping on the cordon and looking down.

Leila pointed a finger, 'I-is that a reindeer?'

'Yep. And he talks.' Luffy pointed at the table, 'Is that your food?'

'Ah,' said Mel, as Chopper changed his shape. 'Now I know you. You're the little cute doctor. Hey. Does that mean you're – Monkey D. Luffy?'

'No,' said Luffy placidly, crabbing off toward the cake. 'That's Zoro you're looking at. Can I have some of the cakes?'

Leila frowned, 'You mean, some of _the_ cake?'

'No, I really mean _the cakes_,' Luffy reassured her in a friendly tone of voice. 'I'm sort of hungry.'

'We don't have time to eat,' said Robin, peering over the edge of the roof. 'We must get to the Going Merry.'

'Which way is the Going Merry?' said Usopp.

'That way,' said Zoro, pointing.

'No. This way,' said Robin, pointing in the opposite direction.

'Never,' said Zoro, eyes blazing. 'Trying to lead us astray, is that how you want to stop me from winning the five-thousand- '

Hands extended from his back and clamped his mouth shut.

'Will you,' scolded Robin, her hands crossed in front of her chest, 'keep your big mouth shut!'

In the general silence that followed, they could all hear the distant sounds of ships swaying sleepily on the waters of low tide: the clanking of anchor chains, the singing of the wind in the rigging and the creaking of wood. No need to say it came from the direction, Robin had pointed to.

* * *

When Caras plunged past them, Nami and Sanji first exchanged stunned looks, then - all kinds of head-ache and heart-ache ignored and forgotten - hurried to the balcony's rail. There was no trace of the pirate in the deep, only darkness and the general idea that the street was very far down indeed.

'Hey,' said Sanji, irritably. 'I wasn't through with him yet.'

'Fooled him!' Nami inhaled deeply, 'He took it. He took the fake log pose.' She broke into triumphant laughter, eyes flashing, as she waved her fist at the invisible street. 'Who wants to collect my bounty and my prize money now, you buffoon? You've got to be cleverer than that. You – hey. What are you doing?'

She protested, as Sanji picked her up again.

'You're hurt,' he informed her, 'I'm going to take you to Chopper.'

'But – '

'_Uh-uh, Nami-san._ No way I'll allow you to walk.' To prevent her further protesting, Sanji took the shortest route, the route she couldn't have taken on her own: He jumped off the balcony and landed on a wall some ten meters below. Zig-zagging downward, they reached street level quickly.

Nami recalled this evening's earlier fear of having to drag her nakama back to the Going Merry. Well, there certainly was no risk of his passing out while he was busy ensuring her safety. Tonight, she had learned as much. Ever since the challenge of their pursuers had risen, he seemed as keen and alert a rescuer as a damsel in distress could hope for.

Though Nami didn't think of herself in terms of helplessness, she hung on to the thought while Sanji carried her across the nightly harbor with its tired, shuffling late-night-workers, shouting supervisors, and the usual rats and scum. Cherished the idea, until they actually reached the Going Merry...

'I never noticed before just how narrow this gangway is.' Nami measured the plank that led up to the deck with her eyes.

'I hardly ever used the gangway before,' said Sanji.

'Well, you will now.' Nami looked at the dark, rippling waves between the quay and the ship, 'It's too dark and dangerous to leap. Put me down. From here on, I'll walk. Sanji-kun? Did you hear me? I said, put me - '

'If you won't let me leap, then I won't let you walk,' Sanji announced gaily, for all appearance intending to carry her aboard bridal-style.

'Nooo. Put me down.' Nami didn't dare struggle, since Sanji already stood on the gangway, 'This isn't going to work!'

'I'll just have to walk a very straight line.' He winked at her. 'Trust me.'

'Lamp post, Sanji!' Nami reasoned, breathlessly. 'Remember the lamp post!'_'_

Sanji started to waltz with her, humming the tune the fiddler had played, only too fast and off-key. Nami held on to him, eyes closed tightly, waiting for the drop and the cold water closing over her head. She was certain they'd drifted off too far to the right. He had to step over the edge of the gangway now – _or now – or the instant after this?_

But whether she had misjudged their position or he could actually walk on air, at any rate they didn't fall. Slowly, Nami opened her eyes, amazed that she was not yet treading water in the highly perilous, shifting gap between the stone quay and moving bulk of the ship. They reached the deck of the Going Merry safely, and her gallant knight set her down gently.

'Thank you for the dance, milady.' Sanji clicked his heels and bowed to her rakishly, his blond hair falling into his face.

Out of a whim – maybe owed to the fact that she was still alive and dry – Nami curtsied to him.

They looked at each other and smiled.

The next moment, Nami smacked him over the head, 'Idiot,' she spat. 'You could've cost us both our lives.'

'Nami-san?' Sanji called after her, rubbing his head. 'Where are you going? Your room is over there.'

'I know where my room is. But none of the boys seems around. So I guess it's me that has to make sure you don't break your neck on the last few meters.' She stood beside the mast and stomped her foot, exasperated. 'Don't thank me, stop making that face and don't say any word ending on "-san" or some such. It's just my luck.'

* * *

'Aaargh,' mumbled Luffy. 'Pull me in! Pull me in!'

He was on the Going Merry's cannon deck, stuck next to a cannon and facing a serious problem: Seeing Sanji place his feet beside the gangway, Luffy had quickly extended first his left arm, then his right to give his nakama something to step on. His swift intervention had spared Sanji and Nami an unwelcome and dangerous swim. But it had also caused Luffy to overbalance, and now he was clutching the gangway as well as part of the opposite quay, with the rest of his body suspended over the water. 'Pull me in!'

'I'm trying,' said Usopp, 'but you've got to let go of the quay!'

'I won't,' Luffy told him. 'You've gotta pull me in like this!'

Usopp pulled and found that Luffy's limbs were stretching even further. Only when Luffy was seated safely on the floor he allowed his arms to shrink to their normal size.

'Wow. That was close.' Curious, Luffy looked at the imprint of Sanji's shoe on his palm.

'Guys,' said Chopper, pressing his ear against the wood. 'They're talking about climbing down into the boys' bedroom.'

Zoro, Luffy and Usopp started, _'What?!'_

'Hurry up.' Robin opened the hatch in the floor that lead to the women's room. Chopper and Usopp literally scrambled over each other to get to the lower room. Zoro followed at a more dignified pace. Luffy hesitated. He turned to Robin, 'Are you sure this is okay? I mean, that's Nami's sanctuary you want us to trespass.'

'I won't give you time for sight-seeing.' Robin shooed him down the ladder, across the tidy room and through the emergency exit in the far wall that led to the boys' own quarters.

'I'm not sure if _that_ is okay,' muttered Usopp, when Robin climbed in after them. 'I always considered it a _girl free zone_...'

Robin paid him no attention. 'Luffy, in your hammock,' she commanded in a hushed voice. 'Usopp, get in yours. Chopper?'

Chopper already lay spread-eagled on the sofa, making a point of being asleep.

'Where will you hide?' asked Zoro of Robin.

'The closet?' she suggested.

'No way. Everything's crammed with Luffy's stuff.'

'_Shhh_,' whispered Luffy, swinging in his hammock. 'Hurry. They're right overhead.'

'Chopper,' said Robin, 'gimme that blanket. Zoro, come on.' She climbed into the swordsman's hammock, causing considerable confusion among her nakama.

'Er - Robin?' said Luffy. 'That's Zoro's hammock.'

'That,' muttered Usopp, 'is definitely _not okay_. You can't tell me it is.'

'Huh?' said Zoro.

'Come on in already,' ordered Robin, wrapping herself in the blanket. 'I want to see this, and you're the only one tall enough for me to hide behind.'

Zoro gaped. 'You – you mean, the two of us? In that hammock?'

_'Really._ You can't tell me,' muttered Usopp and got whacked by Luffy. 'Ouch.'

'I won't bite,' promised Robin. 'Hurry.'

Luffy giggled madly, and Usopp expressed his dislike by snoring loudly and, as he hoped, derisively.

'Those nitwits are going to give us away,' growled Zoro, doing his best to avoid touching Robin as he joined her in the hammock. Naturally, it didn't work. Hammocks were just not designed for two bodies to keep their distance. Zoro felt something - that actually felt like two things - curiously soft and voluminous press against his shoulder blades and decided to ban all speculations as to what it was. 'Hey, Robin,' he whispered. 'This is one-hundred-percent due to circumstances.'

'Isn't it always, sword fighter?' asked Robin. The soft voluptous- no, _voluminousness _in his back rose and fell with her sigh, making Zoro involontarily hold his own breath and silently recite a quick mantra meant to fortify mental equilibrium. 'Isn't it always?'

+++End of Chapter 3+++


	4. Will Trade Off White T-shirt for Towel

Hi there. Thanks for reading - and especially to my reviewers. About that bet (is it really so difficult?) - just keep in mind that by now, everyone's waiting for Sanji and Nami to kiss and that Robin's going to get money from Zoro if they *don't*. And Robin asked him not to tell that detail because she's Nami's friend and - well, how would *you* feel in Nami's place if you found out that one of your best friends put *money* on your kissing (or turning down) a certain guy/girl?

Disclaimer: I do not own "One Piece" or any of the Straw Hat Pirate characters. I am not making money with this.

* * *

+++ Chapter 4: Will Trade Off White T-shirt for Towel +++

'Mind your step, Nami-swan.' Sanji opened the hatch to the boys' bedroom and disappeared in the dark opening. Nami left the hatch open, so she could climb down the ladder in blue-ish moonlight. Making out Sanji's blond hair, she stepped up beside him.

'Look. They're all here,' she said, 'Luffy, Usopp...'

'Yeah, but that's strange...' Sanji scratched his head.

'What?'

'I'm not sure.' Sanji took a step toward the hammock where Nami could make out Zoro's dark figure. The sleeping sword fighter seemed taller in the dark, and strangely deformed. But the last thing Nami wanted right now was the guys fighting. So, she stopped Sanji and turned him around.

'Leave them alone,' she said. 'We can ask them later what the hell they were doing, going to sleep like nothing was wrong. I _will _ask them. And _someone_ had better come up with a good excuse...'

Sanji looked down at her nimble fingers. 'Huh? Nami-san? What're you doing?'

'You don't want to sleep in your jacket and with your neck-tie on, do you?' Having unbuttoned his jacket, Nami reached up and started to undo his neck tie.

'That's a bit tricky,' Sanji informed her. 'The knot's a Lacuban Tongue Twist- oh. Wow!'

'It`s not like this is entirely new for me,' Nami told him. 'Only the other way round and without Robin's help.'

Even in the dark she could see the confused expression on his face and sighed, 'Our escape from Doctor Kureha's castle. Someone probably told you that Robin and I got you out of there when the doc wasn't looking? But I take it you never wondered who put your winter clothes on you...'

'Oh,' he said, and then, '_Wow._'

'Actually, Robin's powers did most of the work.' Nami continued to peel him out of his jacket and pushed it back over his shoulders. She had to step up really close to accomplish the task. Silently daring him to try anything stupid she moved in until she could pull the sleeves over his wrists and hands..._carefully_...done.

She grunted and let the jacket drop to the ground behind Sanji's back. 'Here you go.'

'Thanks, Nami-san,' he said beside her ear. His calm voice made Nami blink with astonishment. The two words sounded serene and simple, and the way he said them had nothing in common with the semi-hysteric crooning for "Nami-swan" he so liked to pull off when everybody was listening.

He was swaying slightly.

Without thinking, Nami put her arms all the way around him. She could feel his hands touch the small of her back, holding on just as lightly as she did.

That was it.

That was all.

They stood in the middle of the night, in the middle of the boys' bedroom's floor, locked in a tight embrace. It was not possessive, as Nami had always expected it to be if she ever allowed him to touch her like this. So she didn't need to show restraint as Sanji had always feared she would. And if they had been in the mood to talk, they would have agreed that they cherished each other too much to think of doing or saying anything that could spoil this special moment.

_I never had a friend like you before, Sanji-kun._ Nami tried to will him to receive her message. She had the feeling it might actually work, they seemed so close after this night and all the strange things that had occurred, _I want this friendship, nakama. I want it forever._

Instead of an answer, she suddenly became aware of a curious breathless silence in the air: No one snored. No one mumbled in their sleep. Not even Luffy made a sound, and she knew him to be a restless sleeper, tossing and turning incessantly.

She hated to talk, but she needed to know…

'Sanji-kun?'

'Nami-san?'

'Is it always quiet like this in your bedroom?'

On cue, Usopp gave a gargantuan snore, and Luffy started tossing, virtually rotating in his hammock.

'Oh.' Nami understood - or thought she did. She began to pull away. 'I'd better leave. Before I fly off the handle and kill somebody_ in their sleep_.' She glared at the dark forms in the hammocks.

'Nami-san?' said Sanji, his voice strangely hoarse.

'What?' She turned to him, half expecting to find him a confidant in this little practical joke - or whatever it was.

'Let me – go first.' Making a strangled noise, Sanji dashed past her and scrambled up the ladder.

'Oh,' said Nami, staring. '_Uh-oh!'_

Coming out in the open, she was just in time to see Sanji hit the rail full force and, with his hands against the wood, all but jackknife over the edge. She took a desperate lunge, clutching his legs and throwing in her weight to prevent him from going overboard headlong. A lot of four-letter-words, directed at the world in general, sounded up from the other side of the rail.

'Stop swearing while you're at it,' Nami said sternly. 'You'll get puke in your lungs.'

'Choking on nasty words,' Sanji moaned from below. 'Zeff always said he was sure that would be my end rather than death in fight.'

'Well, you won't meet your end today, so come on up.'

With Nami's help, Sanji pulled back to safe ground and slumped with his back against the rail. Nami sat beside him, deciding that this night's events were really catching up with him now. He looked ready to fall over and pass out, as he rummaged in his pocket.

'You're joking, right?' Nami frowned. 'You want a smoke? Now?'

He held out a match to her. 'Nami-swan, if I can't die swearing, let me at least give up my ghost smoking.'

Shaking her head, she still lighted the match for him.

Chopper climbed out of the hatch in human shape and came over at a trot. 'Sanji. How do you feel?'

Sanji exhaled smoke, 'Dunno. Shakey.'

'Chopper, what in all blues do you guys think - ' began Nami, irritably, but the reindeer merely raised his hand. 'Later, Nami. Please.'

Nami fell silent, and Chopper went to his haunches beside the cook. He sniffed, then snorted. 'Damned nicotine,' he stated, then pressed his blue nose against the side of Sanji's neck.

No one approves of a soft muzzle being pushed against their jugular vein and making snorting noises: Sanji gave a sound of protest and tried to pull away. Chopper's paws came up and pinned the patient in a vise-like grip, one paw on his head, the other under his chin. 'Hold still,' he ordered, quite superfluously. Sanji continued to make angry sounds, but his mouth was clamped shut, and he could only roll his eye and show his teeth to express his protest.

After a few more sniffs, Chopper released him and sat back on his haunches. 'Amazing.'

'What?' Sanji stopped probing his neck with his hand.

'Well, first of all, the fact that you're still capable of asking,' said Chopper. 'I could get tipsy just by smelling your blood.'

'You can smell blood?' Nami and Sanji exchanged uneasy looks.

'Of course, I've seen Zoro in much worse condition and still beating the ... well, being particularly violent to opponents,' Chopper went on, deliberately ignoring the humans' reaction. 'But you've been running on adrenaline and pride for some time now, Sanji, and they're starting to give out on you at last. I guess it's time you called it a night – and, probably, half a day on top...'

'I get your drift,' said Sanji. 'I've been there. Got a pen on you, Chopper? There's something I'd not want to forget about our conversation tonight.'

Nami shifted uneasily. 'I can fill you in on it.'

Sanji scribbled on his cardboard cigarette box. 'I'm sure you can, Nami-san.' But he still kept taking down notes, then held out the pen. Nami took it and, reluctantly, dabbed it to the cardboard.

'What's he doing?' asked Chopper, curious. 'What did you two do?'

Nami shrugged a little stiffly, as she handed back Chopper's pen. 'Just talking. Having a good time.'

'Flinging shoes,' offered Sanji, pocketing his cigarette box. 'Running into lamp posts.'

'Dancing on gangways.'

'Turning my stomach inside out.' Sanji's eyes started to lose focus.

'Discovering a pressing need for owning a white t-shirt.'

'Oversized t-shirts.' Sanji swayed sitting up and groped for something to hold on to. 'Gosh, Nami, hold her steady.' His body tensed. 'She's rolling...'

'Got you, Sanji.' Chopper slid his paws under Sanji's knees and behind his back and lifted him up. Sanji curled sleepy fingers in the reindeer's fur, mumbling, 'Oi, Chopper. Easy.'

'Sorry,' said Chopper, carrying him to the hatch by the mast. 'Got you back on solid ground in a second. Hang on.' Holding Sanji firmly to his chest, so as not to shake him too much, the reindeer dropped into the boys' bedroom and placed his patient on the sofa. Sanji, semi-conscious, grabbed the edge of the mattress as if it were a life-saving plank on high sea.

Nami set her foot down on the floor and squinted in the dark. 'There's no use telling the others to stop pretending they're asleep, is there?' she asked aloud.

'I don't think so.' Chopper was clearly not interested in games now. He took off Sanji's shoes and started to tuck the cook in. 'Is the sake all out, Nami? Or should I've hung him over the rail once more?'

'_Mm-mmh_, all gone: the sake, dinner ... all but one thing.' Nami sat on the mattress and, leaning forward, reached for Sanji's cigarette. 'You twit,' she whispered beside his ear, 'This is a wooden ship. You'll set fire to everything.'

'_Waaargh!_ She kissed him!' Luffy's scream made them all sit bolt upright, hearts hammering and eyes wide with shock. Sanji was jolted back from the banks of intoxicated oblivion and nearly hit Nami as he started.

Trying to get out of his hammock, Luffy scrambled over Usopp, who gave a choking noise.

'Aaargh! Are you crazy?' The sniper coughed and gasped.

'She did it, didn't she, Chopper?' Luffy jumped up and down in front of the reindeer and clapped his hands over his head.

'No, Luffy. She didn't. She only whispered into his ear that his cigarette might set fire to the ship.'

'And besides,' said Robin, who had risen and leaned heavily on Zoro, since a hammock was a terribly wobbly place to be in together, 'it wouldn't have been a love-kiss anyway. Anyone will give a sick friend a peck on the cheek.'

Sanji's mouth fell open. 'Robin-chan? What are you doing in _- in the marimo's hammock?_'

'Hey! Don't jump to conclusions!' said Zoro, scowling. 'It's one-hundred percent due to circumstances. She wanted to make sure I didn't cheat her on the five-thousand – hey!' He protested, as Robin quickly took his head firmly in both hands.

'Shut your big mouth, will you,' she said, and showing him an alternative, kissed him on the lips. Zoro's hands went up, looking for something to steady himself as her assault made the hammock bob and swing.

Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Nami and Sanji stared.

The hammock swung wildly, the wooden beams it was fastened to, creaked.

'Butbutbutbut,' stammered Usopp.

'Wow,' said Luffy. 'Robin and Zoro…'

And Sanji clung to Chopper like a scared kid to a giant teddy bear, making no articulate sounds at all.

'There's a condition, remember?' Robin sat up, as if she were just continuing with a conversation.

'Isn't there always?' Zoro shrugged, pulling coolness round him like a coat.

Robin disentangled herself and climbed out of the hammock. Her audience was embarrassed. Robin was not. 'Nami, please, don't look so shocked. Stop stammering, Sanji. Really. This can't be the first time you've seen two people kissing.'

'He says, _no, but it's the first time they've seen _you two – ,' Usopp interpreted helpfully and got smacked by Nami. 'Ow. What?'

Slowly, like hypnotized, Sanji reached into his pocket.

'No,' said Nami empathically. 'No, no, _no._ You heard Zoro! It was one-hundred percent due to circumstances.'

She made a dash for the thing in Sanji's hand. Once more, he reacted with a fighter's instinct and held it away from her.

Nami struggled. 'Gimme that! Gimme that!'

'Sorry, Nami-san,' Sanji said, still not entirely over the sight of Robin-chan making out with _the marimo_. Of all people -

'After all I did for you.' Nami crawled over Sanji to get at his hand. She bobbed on his ribs. She leaned on his shoulders to extend her reach, hoping that he'd come down with a nosebleed. He didn't, and even managed to fend her off long enough to toss his treasure to Luffy.

Luffy caught the thing and frowned.

'Give me that.' Nami let go of Sanji and instead tried to snatch Luffy's hand. 'Luffy! _Pleeease!_'

'Usopp. What does that say?' said Luffy, passing the small item on.

'Seems like Nami owes Sanji three grand,' Usopp said, reading. 'The two of them made a bet that – what? Robin?'

'Robin?' asked Luffy, holding Nami's wrists in his hands, and Robin's eyes widened, curious.

Nami tore free and crying out, '_God, this is so embarrassing!_,' stormed up the ladder and out.

'What's with her?' asked Zoro, gruffly.

Usopp tossed him the strange item: It was Sanji's cigarette box. Zoro could feel his hands become sweaty. In the dim light he read the message on the cardboard: 'Bet, Z. & R-chan kiss if moment opportune. For R.'s cool & marimo barbarian anyway. N-san says no way, they won't. 3.000 b.' The note was signed by both, Sanji and Nami.

Zoro threatened to suffocate on his own breath and gulped, 'But – how – when - ?'

'They must've made it up when you were fighting the street gang, Zoro,' said Usopp. 'During the short interval when Chopper couldn't overhear them.'

'They were talking about Robin and you then,' said Luffy. 'The "Let's talk about your problems"-card, you called it. Sanji said that he believed you and Robin had an interest in each other. Nami said you didn't.'

Turning crimson, Zoro crushed the box in his fist. 'Why, that damned – '

'Shhh,' said Chopper, hoof on muzzle, turning around where he sat beside the cook's sofa. 'He's asleep.'

Everyone looked at the peacefully sleeping blond.

'He's smiling,' fumed Zoro. 'Look at that! The stupid cook is smiling on me in his sleep!'

'Dreaming of white t-shirts with Nami in them, more likely,' said Robin.

'But it was due to circumstances! Just - '

'Don't shout at him, he doesn't hear you,' Robin said coolly. 'You owe me, Zoro. You-know-what.'

Zoro growled.

'Robin?' asked Luffy. 'That was fun, kind of, but what was it about? What did you prove?'

She smiled at him. For one moment she looked as if she would ruffle his hair. But then she merely said, 'I like being part of your crew. I really do. Got to look after Nami. She was terribly upset, poor thing. Probably thinks I'm mad at her for making that bet with Sanji.'

She left with a flourish of her hand, tall and slender, a dark angel passing by. The Straw Hats stood, watching her go in silence that was only broken by Sanji's deep, regular breathing.

The hatch closed, barring out the light.

'Hey, Zoro,' said Luffy's voice in the pitch-black dark. 'While Robin and you were together in that hammock – what did you do? - _Ouch!_'

* * *

Sanji had definitely known more pleasant mornings. And less tantalizing hangovers.

He'd ask – no, he'd plead with Chopper not to be kept in a hammock that moved and spun while Chopper explained patiently time and again that he was stationary, resting on the sofa in the boys' bedroom. Except, of course, for the occasions where he would find himself head down over the toilet bowl or the rail. Chopper in his human-reindeer form told him to 'go easy' which was, of course, a shitty advice with a mutant paw alternately pushing you down by the neck and hauling you back to your sofa where you passed out in the act of swallowing some cold or hot liquid. Food that you just knew then would trigger another hasty trip to the rail...

As the morning progressed, Sanji came to realize that the hot liquid stuff the reindeer kept forcing on him tasted of coffee. From then on, he cooperated more eagerly when the mug was offered to him, and around lunch time, he surprised his reindeer doctor by asking for a cigarette. Chopper was delighted by the clearly expressed question, but he denied the request. Sanji pretended to cave in, asking for more coffee instead.

And then, with Chopper gone to get his fresh caffeine kick, he gathered himself up, staggered over to where his jacket hung over a chair, got his cigarettes and climbed through the hatch.

There was no-one on deck. Chopper's professional authority had banned the entire crew to closed quarters as far away from the boys' bedroom as possible.

Standing at the rail, relishing the fresh breeze in his hair and watching the smoke blow away, Sanji decided that he was being himself again.

Might as well go and prepare dinner.

* * *

Nami sneaked into the galley where she found Sanji standing at the counter and peeling potatoes. The smell of freshly cooked seafood had already betrayed the cook's presence, but Nami still managed to sound surprised:

'You're up?' she asked, putting just the right tone of concern and delight in her voice.

'No point staying in bed.' Sanji finished peeling the potato in his hand and dropped it into the cooking pot. 'Thanks to Chopper's treatment I moved from alcohol stupor straight into caffeine high. No way I could've slept any lo –_oh_!' Turning around with the pot in both hands and seeing her in her white t-shirt, his eyes immediately started to pop. He lost his grip on the pot.

Nami squeezed her eyes shut.

_Your own fault, Nami,_ she told herself, braving the cold shower and potato hail coming down over her. _You know you can't expect him to remember a pot in his hands when he sees you like this. But how was I supposed to know he'd throw it straight in the air? If anything, normal people will _drop _a thing like that. _

'Oh no,' she heard Sanji say.

'I'm okay,' she hurried to explain. 'Only a few sprinkles.' She struck a littel pose. 'I came to ask - Your cigarette box, Sanji-kun. Can I take a look at it?'

'Sure, Nami-san.' Sanji knelt and started to pick up potatoes. Confused at first, Nami saw the flaw in her calculation: There was but one thing more prominent on the blond cook's mind than the idea of fulfilling her every wish, and that was the almost mortal fear of wasting food.

'About that cigarette box,' Nami started again.

'Oh, yes.' Sanji had collected the potatoes and went for the cooking pot. 'It says you owe me three grand, Nami-san.'

'You remember?'

'Not really,' he admitted, grabbing the last of the potatoes and dropping it into the cooking pot. 'But someone added "That'll be yours" under my scribbling. I guess it was Usopp.'

Nami's pose crumbled. 'I just hate when you boys stick together like that,' she complained. 'Stop collecting those damn- _those damp potatoes_,' she corrected herself, remembering his touchiness when food was concerned, 'and look at me already! I'm a white-t-shirt dream come true, but I still want a towel, for heaven's sake!'

Luffy's head poked in, 'Nami? Could you finish your business with Sanji and come on deck?'

Nami looked from Luffy to Sanji, who had started to look susceptible - heart-shape-eyed and hyperventilating - for her request at last, 'Can I just – one minute -? '

'We really need you out here,' insisted Luffy.

'Oh, all right. Birds of a feather... Just keep flocking together, you guys, and bully the girl. Here!' Nami slapped the money on the counter. Spellbound, Sanji handed her a towel.

'I didn't mean to bully you,' Luffy informed her, slightly puzzled by her reaction, 'But here's someone that wants to talk to you. He says you demolished his tavern.'

* * *

The tavern owner was in the company of three city guards, and very clear about his demands. He produced a slip of paper and a pair of glasses, and, putting on the glasses, read, 'You ruined two tables and a chair getting Caras kicked across the room and doing some serious kicking ass of your own. That's eight-thousand berys you owe me. Are you going to pay cash or work for it?'

Nami paled. 'But I don't have that much,' she stuttered.

'I can lend you five-thousand,' offered Robin. 'I just got that sort of warm shower coming down over me...'

Zoro snorted and turned away.

'That's awfully nice of you, Robin. But I still lack three-thousand berys,' said Nami. 'I just –'

'Got not enough money, so it's work then.' The tavern owner grabbed Nami and tucked the surprised navigator under his arm. 'Eight-thousand berys, that's two weeks worth of cleaning dishes. I'll send her back to you, guys. If you're still here by then. Have a nice day.'

He set off, leaping over the rail and on to the street. The guards followed.

'Hey! Stop!' Nami banged her fist against the man's muscular arm. 'I said I have the money! I just gave it to a friend. I can get it back! Luffy! Zoro! Do something! _Sanji!_'

'Cook!' Zoro hollered. 'Get your useless hide up here!'

Sanji looked out of the galley, 'You call for help, marimo, I – hey? Where's Nami?'

'That bastard kidnapped her. Says she's gotta work for him! Where's her money? The three grand?' Zoro turned slowly on his heels, following Sanji who crossed the deck and leaped on to the rail. Balancing easily on the narrow wood, he yelled 'Nami-swaaan!' after the four men and at the city in general.

'Ah.' Luffy heaved a sigh. 'That looks and sounds a lot more like him.'

'Get a move on!' Ignoring the gangway, Zoro covered the gap to the pier with a leap, and from there jumped on a roof for better overview.

'I'll go around left,' decided Sanji. 'Marimo! You get them from the right! _Nooo!_' He gestured. _'The "other right"!'_

Zoro blustered, 'Stop ordering me around, idiot!'

Nami's voice drifted over, screaming for Sanji and Zoro to stop fighting and rescue her.

Zoro and Sanji, who had been growling at each other from close-up, turned their heads and asked in flabbergasted unison, 'How does she know we're fighting?'

And then: 'Nami-swaaan!' yelled Sanji, and, 'Working on it,' said Zoro turning around and around, looking for a target. 'Now, which way?'

_'White t-shirt, marimo!_ Just follow the white t-shirt!' Sanji set off. 'Nami-swaaan!'

'Oi! Wait for me!' Zoro raced after his nakama.

'Teen-agers,' mumbled Robin, who stood at the rail beside Luffy. 'Always trying to go through walls heads-on.'

'I know what you mean,' Luffy said. 'They forgot to collect your five-thousand berys. When they catch up with Nami, they'll only have Sanji's three-thousand.'

Robin produced the bills and thumbed through them. 'Thinking,' she said, 'is definitely not what boys at their age are best at, when the need to rescue a damsel in distress arises.'

'I'm a boy, too,' Luffy pointed out.

'You would be king. The King of Pirates. Be honest with yourself, Luffy. You can goof around as much as you like. But when it comes down to the serious stuff, the stuff that requires a captain to sort out, you just can't allow yourself to get carried away like them.'

Luffy considered this very carefully.

'I guess I can't,' he agreed and, looking over at the city, added, 'This "damsel-in-distress" thing. Do you think they'll figure it out?'

'Five grand.' Robin winked at him, waving the bills. 'Want to bet?'

+++ The End+++

* * *

A/N: Well, another story finished, somewhere in between my little X-Mas Luffy's-gang-goes-reindeer one-shot and the Sanji/Zeff story that I will probably update next week. Let me just mention that this story was done thinking of my best friend and that one special embrace in the middle of the night, in the middle of the floor that taught us all we ever needed to know about our deep respect for each other. ("You know I would trust you and follow you to the great waterfalls at the edge of the world and beyond, nakama. But you really need to cut back on those cigarettes." :) ) Thank you for reading, hope to meet you again next time!


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